Widowhood is the state, circumstances, a situation where a man or woman have lost his/her spouse to the cold arms of death, and he/she is yet to re marry.
Widowhood signifies the end of the physical union between a man and woman who had been bonded physically, socially, and emotionally through human values that had fostered a healthy family marriage.
Since 2011, the United Nations in her document of resolution A/RES/65/189 observed June 23 every year as Widowhood Day in order to draw attention of the world to issues concerning widows and widowers in the society.
MOST CHALLENGING ASPECTS FOR WIDOWHOOD
@ Loneliness is perhaps the most challenging to widowhood. They feel that no one understands what they are going through, and that everyone is just too busy or pretending to be busy to reach out to them.
It’s usually observed that family members, friends of the late husband or wife seldom visited unlike how often they did when their spouses were alive.
@ Cultural practices
@ Patriarchal society
@ Sexual violence
@ Rejection
@ Poverty.
SOME FACTS AND FIGURES ABOUT WIDOWHOOD
• In a 2019 study, the International Women’s Society found out that the number of widows in the world was 258 million, while Nigeria had 15 million widows.
• Another research agency came up with the ratio of widows to widowers in Nigeria thus :
– About 1% of Nigerian men are widowers while 9% of Nigerian women are widows.
– The share of widowers among men aged 75 and above is about 11% while it is 77% for women widows of the same age.
– 42% of Nigerian widows are found to be dispossessed of their late husband’s property.
WHY THERE ARE MORE WIDOWS THAN WIDOWERS
• More men die than women especially through exposure to war, hard work and labour, and life threatening circumstances, etc.
• Men make up the fighting forces in theaters of war around the world. They drive the various terrorism, banditry and kidnapping gangs, gunmen, genocidal groups, and hit squads in all corners of the globe.
These obviously comes with catastrophic consequences to both the victims and the papetrators who incidentally are men.
• Men (widowers) are quick to re marry but widows do not generally often re marry.
Some of the women choose to remain as widows partly because :
– of the love they still have for their late husband.
– because of the love they have for their children.
– because the children cannot afford to see their mother under the arms of another man.
SOME CULTURAL PRACTICES THAT MAKE LIFE DIFFICULT FOR WIDOWS
• Nigeria and most African societies are patriarchal – ie men call the shots.
• Widows are forced to account for the demise of their own husbands, made to observe unhealthy, unethical, obnoxious and unnecessarily longer mourning period while the widowers are left free.
• A widow does not inherit land and property of her late husband if she does not have a male child.
• A widow is forced to marry the brother of her late husband and woe betide her if she rejects.
THE ROLE OF FAITH BASED RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATIONS / THE CHURCH IN MAKING LIFE MORE MEANINGFUL FOR WIDOWHOOD
• The Bible leads the way – “Show respect for widows who really are all alone ……..” – 1Tim 5 : 3 – 16
• “Treat them fairly” – Deut 10 : 18
• Organizing yearly programs in line with the spirit and letters of, and ideals of the United Nations in order to draw attention to the plight of widowhood in the society.
• Give spiritual support and guidance.
• Involve/engage them in Parish activities.
• Offer them opportunities for participating in workshops, seminars, counseling, financial planning and entrepreneurship.
• Help them adjust to the now new-normal life of Widowhood with valuable knowledge, skills and coping strategies.
• Encourage them to join/form associations where they can use their talents, time and treasure in order to contribute and help uplift their less privileged members.
• Encourage especially the younger ones to re marry if they cannot be patient to discipline themselves – 1 Tim 5 : 11
And if they choose to do so, the church should help them identify the compatible partner.
THE ROLE OF WIDOWS/WIDOWERS IN MAKING THEIR OWN LIFE BETTER
• Widowhood associations may endeavour to partner with government and NGO’s in all Programmes of value and benefit to them.
• Older members to mentor the younger ones on the do’s and dont’s, as well as those things that may be helpful and positively impactful to them.
• Join local community based groups for voluntary service, projects and outreach activities.
• Develop a network of friends and associates that may come with unquantifiable assistance/attributes for a meaningful life.
• Be counted among church members who’s activities contribute in uplifting the standard of the parish in order to contribute to the mission of the church.
THE ROLE OF THOSE NOT YET IN WIDOWHOOD TO HELP THEM LIVE A FULFILLED LIFE
• Be their friends and confidants.
• Treat them the same way you did before they found themselves in Widowhood.
• Make it a practice to check on them regularly.
• Assist those of them who may need help. Even though they may not come forward with their request, do not wait for them to do so before you offer to help.
• The married men should cultivate the habit of taking their own wives along whenever visiting the widows. This will ensure less of rumours, and elimination of some unwanted consequences.
• Offer them opportunities for counseling and advice.
• Encourage and support their children in anyway possible, and as you can.
CONCLUDING REMARKS
Widowhood is an ultimate reality, a phenomenon that must occur no matter how short or long – seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years. As we came to this world at different times and places, so we shall depart. As we made our entrances, so shall be our exits.
Interestingly, life is a mix grill of the good, the bad, and the ugly. The sweet, the bitter, and the tasteless.
And during our lifetime we are frequently exposed to these reality. Therefore, we should equally expect anything whenever and wherever our spouses are gone.
This is only the antidote to a turbulent agonizing life whenever it downs on you that your partner is gone, and you are the one left behind.
After all, you were only partners, part-time partners, partners when the partnership lasted, partners for life.
Indeed partners till death do you part.
Peace 🙏
