Dear President Muhammadu Buhari, I thought I should say an early good morning to you before anybody does. I hope you slept well. I have been praying that God would grant you great dreams for Nigeria, dreams that would be in the best interest of every citizen. How are you in body and in spirit? I can see that you are healthy and true to your person. Asalam aleikum.
I have always wanted to ask you about your last ten-day visit to London. Nigerians could not stop talking about you from the day you left Abuja till the day you returned. If talking made people slimmer, everyone would have been as slim as the Inspector General of Police. In the first place, they could not stop wondering why your visit to England was private when you oversee the affairs of our beloved nation in a public capacity.
It’s like a goldfish attempting to hide inside a glass cup of water drawn from the River Thames. Or, like a giant whale attempting to hide from scavengers at the shores of Brass. Did you really move around London like a private citizen? Didn’t anybody point at you and say that you look like the Nigerian president? What stopped you from meeting with Queen Elizabeth for a handshake on behalf of Nigerians?
Your country people are so talkative it’s just hard to believe how loud they can get. There’s no point thinking of a decree to ban free speech on Facebook. This is a democracy. You just have to live with the social media, and I don’t see you shutting down all the telecom masts planted by (President Olusegun) Obasanjo. The last oath of office you took demands that you respect the fundamental rights of every citizen as enshrined in the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, 1999, as amended.
Gani Fawehinmi would tell you the same thing, if he were here. And so would Rotimi Williams. In fact, Tai Solarin would take to the streets in his trademark headmaster’s short sleeve shirt on short knickers, the farmer’s cap squat upon his tell-tale head, and he would tell you squarely never to be tempted to muffle free speech. You never can tell from whence cometh the bright idea you’ve been waiting for, that precious idea that could serve to enhance the corporate fortunes of our nation.
While you were away on your private leave, I felt particularly concerned about a certain utterance credited to the North Korean leader. That chubby fellow with the look of a ripe tomato says he would like to buy up Nigeria and Ghana put together, and convert both countries into a wonder land in record time.
I will be frank with you, Your Excellency. I didn’t like the sound of that. If he was talking of bare, uncharted territory uninhabited by human beings living in the twenty-first century, that would be understandable. He was talking about a sovereign nation like Nigeria, apparently inhabited by nearly two hundred million people, including you and my gentle self.
This fellow is talking about buying up everything Nigerian, and you say I shouldn’t talk? Next thing he will say is that he is buying up everyone he finds on our land as well. If you will not say anything, I will. I am not for sale. Since you were on a private visit to the United Kingdom, I sent him a small message on your behalf, in my capacity as a concerned citizen.
I told him pointedly that Nigeria is not for sale. I didn’t hear you say that. Did you? Now that you are back in office, your pledge to uphold democracy on 12 June still fresh in memory, I expect you to confirm to Kim Jung Il in clear terms that Nigeria is not for sale. I don’t mind repeating that.
Do you know that some Nigerians actually whispered that you prompted the North Korean leader to say what he said, to test the waters, and see if the bargain was right with Nigerians, to say nothing of Ghanaians? Nigerians even suspected you of plotting to sell Nigeria to Saudi Arabia.
What didn’t Nigerians consider while you were away on your ten-day private holiday in Her Majesty’s kingdom? When in the end, you returned home, and began to speak about setting up rural grazing settlements for cows in every state of Nigeria, there was no doubt as to who was out to sell Nigeria. The verdict is still the same, Mr. President. Nigeria is not for sale to cows and cow owners.
I speak to you as a long distance admirer. I was a school boy when you served as Head of State in military uniform. I liked some of your ideas, and the Spartan despatch you gave to the war against indiscipline. Some people say the war succeeded because of the stern face of your second in command, Tunde Idiagbon. They may be right.
But between you and Idiagbon, I think your face is more serious. If Idiagbon were alive by now, he would have learnt to smile. No doubt he would have taught you also how to smile in a democracy. Tee-hee. I don’t call this a letter, Your Excellency. I call this a small chit-chat between a law-abiding citizen and his attentive President. Or, what do you think? A country survives when the leader and the led have an honest chit-chat.
I don’t see you, for instance, throwing Olusegun Obasanjo behind bars, simply because he expressed his opinion. Nigerians express their opinions everyday — in the newspapers, on television, on the radio, in beer parlours, at the news stands, in the buses and tricycles, in the offices, at home, and along the streets.
That’s the spice of democracy. That’s what makes democracy tick. What’s the point picking on one Nigerian and spilling your bile? What is fatherly about that? What is presidential about that? And don’t forget one thing, Mr. President, Obasanjo was a former President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
According to the records, he sat on that seat before you in times past, and he did so in military and civilian times alike. Come to that, when I think upon it, I am impressed by the fact that you and Obasanjo are the only two Nigerians who have been at the helm of affairs of our beloved nation in like manner. You both ruled as khaki boys, and as men in babanriga with two tenures in your kitty. Obasanjo even wanted a third tenure. We told him we have had enough.
You will agree with me that Obasanjo is already well known for writing letters, and I have been doing my best to follow his example. It is not enough to cogitate on matters that border on the commonwealth with a pillow under your head. It is important to chip in a word of advice.
That Greek philosopher with the long, bushy beard once said that every man is a political animal. Plato they call him, I think. You are a political animal, Mr. President, and so am I. I am a political animal. He may be right, come to think of it. But he failed to point out that man is a higher animal than the lumbering cow.
Man is created in the image of God. Not so the cow. Man is higher than the cow. Man has greater value than cows in the eyes of God. You can reason with man. You cannot reason with cows. That’s the difference, and it is a crucial point to note in a democracy.
The other day, I was telling an Aboki in my neighbourhood to go back up north and utilise all that space you have there. It is only to be expected that you should be content with your share of land. What business do you have encroaching upon another man’s portion of breath? Sometimes I just wonder.
Kai, look at what is happening in Israel. That country has more dry land than Nigeria. It is far from the ocean. It can only draw water from the Red Sea and from the Dead Sea. Yet, see what their fields look like, full of plump and plenty, full of olive buds and pomegranates, and fat cows that don’t need to travel all over the country in search of green grass to chew, cows that breed inside self-contained ranches. How did they do it? They know how to irrigate their land, that’s why. We need to do the same fast
Your Excellency, there is a reason why you transplanted Democracy Day from 29 May 2019, to 12 June 2019. The first date, with its lack of a speech, has become history. The second date coming with a full-fledged speech, is now active. Inevitably, therefore, the spirit of the Social Democratic Party (SDP), as embodied by Moshood Abiola, will arise to its full height in the political affairs of the nation.
One state, at least one state, shall produce a governor from that party. I have a strong feeling that the state in question is Bayelsa, and you will do well to give your gracious presidential imprimatur to this noble ideal.
I will not conclude this chit-chat without expressing my heartfelt gratitude to your government for deeming it fit and proper to appoint a worthy son of Bayelsa State, Chief Timipre Sylva, former Governor of the state and Pro-Chancellor of the Nigerian Maritime University, Delta State, as a Minister-designate of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
I believe I speak for the good people of Bayelsa State, and the university community in Okerenkoko and Kurutie that Sylva is well cut-out for the new assignment. Many years ago, he was a Special Assistant to a Minister. I have always prayed for that day when Sylva himself will become a Minister so that he can enhance his public profile and become a beacon for the younger generation to behold. That day has come.
Your government will evidently benefit from the cerebral input of a mind known for its high intelligent quotient. We expect that Mr. President will do well to place Sylva in that suitable ministerial office where his full potential can blossom in the overall interest of Nigeria.
Remember, Mr. President, that Nigerians are counting on you to subdue the security challenges facing our nation. The first duty, the primary duty, of any government is to protect lives and property. You have a duty to quell any insurrection, any uprising, any show of lawlessness, and contain any act of brigandage likely to lead to violence and bloodshed. Cows are being lawless when they squat along major highways in the capital cities of Nigeria. No cow has a right to block traffic in my country. To tolerate that is to tolerate indiscipline.
At all times, Mr. President, avoid bloodshed. God forbids the sight of blood, human blood, for man is made in the image of God. Banish the threat of Boko Haram and anyone attempting to make Nigeria ungovernable, and provide that peaceful and stable playing field for democracy to flourish. Thank you for your kind attention, Your Excellency. Go ahead and have a great day.
