Last week, I began a mental excursion into what I will do when I become the President of the Federal Republic. As daunting as the task ahead looks, the feedback I have received so far from the numerous juju priestess, river goddesses, ordained and unordained marabouts and General Overdoers, that have lined up behind me from Senegal, Niger, Mali, Mauritania up to Madagascar and South Africa, tells me that my vision for Nigeria is achievable if you support me. I have also consulted the Chief Priests of Papua New Guinea; Maori and Chamorro tribes and those of Hadzabe Bushmen of Tanzania, and they all tell me that the future looks very promising.
So, I am embarking on this journey to transform Nigeria into the most unbelievable country in the universe. You won’t believe my ‘Marshal Plan’ for my dear country especially in the area of security. As you are aware, security is a very important factor in development. And many things depend on how secure our environment is –tourism, agriculture, sports, and transportation, industrial activities, production, consumption even sleeping and dying peacefully… name them. They all depend on the security and peace of our country. As president, therefore, I will pay unprecedented attention to this and ensure that we achieve round-the-clock security. In fact, I will declare a state of emergency on security.
My first action in achieving this will be to immediately constitute a National Prayer Commission. Yes, you read me well, a prayer commission. We love to pray and we shall have a commission to coordinate prayers across the 774 constitutionally recognised local government areas in the country. The Prayer Commission will be led by joint-executive chairmen. The co-chairmen will be chosen from all the organised and non-organised religious groups including animists, African Traditional Religionists and Idol worshippers. The commission will also have National Commissioners representing, first, the six geopolitical zones and later, all the 36 states and the Federal Capital Territory. Again, both the geopolitical zones and 36 states will be represented by a full complement of all religious groups. Their number will not matter as every form of prayer will be needed to cure the scourge of insecurity. My office will be directly responsible for awarding contracts for the supply of prayer materials.
After constituting the Prayer Commission, which, by the way, will be institutionalised by an Act of Parliament, I will ensure that the national structure is replicated in all states of the federation and the FCT. That will create jobs for my supporters. After that, work begins. The commission will begin by embarking on a study tour of the world. This will enable it to understudy how other countries, especially Israel, Russia, the United States of America, Singapore, and China etc., are able to use prayers as weapons to tackle insecurity. They will also be made to undertake lectures on how to ‘command’ and ‘decree’ security into reality as well as how prayers built drones, rockets, weapons defence systems and bomb shelters. The Commission will conduct further studies on how to stop banditry, terrorism, kidnappings, armed robbery, organ harvest and headhunting with prayers. After all, some pastors now ‘command’ credit transfers into the bank accounts of their worshippers.
This study tour will take at least, 12 weeks. And, when they return, the leadership of the commission will tour the 36 states teaching the state chapters what it learnt from the overseas tour. This is called knowledge transfer. Through this process, the state chapters will develop the capacity to tackle insecurity with massive and dangerous prayers. They will also be made to transfer the same knowledge to their local government chapters who will in turn share the knowledge with community chapters. This will ensure a top-down approach to knowledge transfer and prepare the Prayer Commission to begin its nationwide prayer campaign against insecurity. Simultaneously, Nigerians will be praying across the local government areas, the states and the federal establishment. My government will assist by importing prayer warriors from across different religions to descend on Nigeria with dangerous prayers against insecurity. That way, we all, including bandits, terrorists, kidnappers etc, will all be consumed in prayers that none will remember to engage in any sundry crimes ever again.
I will ensure that even our military and security services and formations, create special committees on prayers. The committees will be linked to the National Prayer Commission and will be empowered to conduct hourly prayer sessions with ‘casting and binding’ drills to cast out bandits, terrorists and kidnappers among us. The committees will pray until the weapons in the hands of terrorists turn into brooms that will sweep out all the evil they have brought onto the country.
Of course, there is nothing that prayer cannot fix. For us, prayer can fix terrorism and banditry. Religious leaders, and political and military leaders, have successfully made us believe that prayers can bring a knocked car engine back to life. Some have even instrumented many Nigerians to believe that a church sticker on your fuel tank is enough to make your car run on empty tank for several days. Sadly, those who introduced us to this fantastical world of prayers, and of religion, rarely revert to prayers when challenged by terrorism and banditry. But, what do I know? Didn’t they say miracles do happen? That is why I will use prayers to fix insecurity when I become president.
I will not stop at insecurity alone. I will also task the National Prayer Commission to engage in massive prayers, everywhere, for immediate divine fixes for effective train services, air travel, electricity, potable water, and effective and responsive hospitals. After all, the Federal Ministry of Agriculture and Food Security have just postponed its prayer summit for food security. Yes! And that was from the Ministry of Agriculture which the minister, Sen. Abubakar Kyari, had in February 2025 at Minna, Niger state, entertained us with a chest-thumping narrative about how food prices have crashed and food is now more available.
Every challenge to governance, in my government, will be resolved by praying. Prayers can fix issues faster than experts can.. I guess prayers will be more effective than funding the security apparatchik with the appropriate manpower and equipment. However, there is one thing I will not do. I will not stop funding the pilgrim boards. My administration will fund them much more than I will fund oil exploration because, with more prayers, my government will achieve immediate results. After all, miracles are delivered as decreed. So, why waste time fighting insecurity with human and material resources when I can get the National Prayer Commission to pray until insecurity disappears?
