Let’s start out by reminding ourselves that a haunted house is almost always a place of horror stories. I know that Charles Dickens wrote a ghost story entitled “A Haunted House” as did Virginia Woolf later on.
Well, I’m taking my haunted house theme from our dear country Nigeria.
Time was when Dodan Barracks in Lagos rocked as the seat of Nigerian power.One bloody coup almost succeeded in Dodan Barracks, Lagos, and the rush to Aso Rock, Abuja became a fast 100-metre dash, complete with performance-enhancing drugs!The diabolical dash from Lagos to Abuja has given birth to a deadly citadel of power.In my book, the source of the plenteous troubles of Nigeria is Aso Villa.
It never ceases to amuse me when all makes of characters fight to the death in the struggle to live in Aso Villa.The trouble with Aso Villa started from the very beginning. Nigeria’s one and only Military President Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida did not pack into the place under normal circumstances.As they say, it is not with ordinary eyes that harassed mortals run into the embrace of the born-again “Jehovah Sharp-Sharp” churches where magic is the miracle!The Evil Genius ran to the Villa following the hot pursuit of Major Gideon Orkar and his comrades who smoked him out of his bedroom in Dodan Barracks, Lagos during the April 22, 1990 coup.
It was only split seconds that saved the utterly frightened self-advertised “Master of Violence” from sure death following the pursuit of the coup lion-hearts.And the Evil Genius fled from Lagos to Abuja! Ever since Babangida made Aso Villa Nigeria’s presidential abode, the country has known no headway whatsoever.Ask Babangida or Shonekan or Abacha or Abdulsalami or Obasanjo or Yar’Adua or Jonathan or Buhari, or Tinubu or their wives!
In the light of building institutions that last forever, there was the Biblical injunction on Peter the Apostle thusly: “Upon this rock I will build my church.”This way, the Evil Genius turned to Aso Rock and said: “Upon this rock I will build my evil empire!”And thus came upon Nigeria and Nigerians the haunted house of power.
When Chief Moshood Abiola sought to succeed his bosom friend Babangida via the June 12, 1993 presidential election he was promptly made to understand that Aso Villa was not made for him through the instant annulment of the election!Even when so much heat was put on Babangida to quit power, it’s remarkable that he told all willing to listen that he was merely “stepping aside”. Chief Ernest Shonekan, as interim leader, could not get a hang on the spiritual and sundry grigri underpinnings of Aso Villa until he was shabbily kicked out by Abacha. The goggled Abacha had to stay holed up in good old Dodan Barracks, Lagos for quite some time for Aso Villa to be detoxified for his occupation!See what I mean; even the extraordinarily hardened Abacha did not want to dash in where angels feared to tread!Abacha tried mightily to make the ornate palace his permanent home by reportedly ferrying in a million blind mice from Niger Republic into Aso Villa to keep all Nigerians eternally blind to his antics at self-perpetuation in power!
Even so, Abacha did not reckon with the terminal juices of Indian apples! And thus the man expired, giving place to General Abdulsalami Abubakar who just took as much money as he could in nine fast months and simply ran from the deathtrap of Aso Villa.Now he prefers to lead the national committee on rigged elections.
General Olusegun Obasanjo earned some credit as a military leader back in Dodan Barracks, Lagos only for the Owu man to be turned into something else after eight long years in Aso Villa.
Who out there is still arguing with me that there is not “something” in that Aso Villa? Any wonder then that Obasanjo fell like Humpty Dumpty with his Third Term calamity. A tear for him! And see what became of ex-President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua! Luckless “Umoru, are you dead?” was not sufficiently “medicated” to occupy that cabalistic enclave.He was grossly unprotected against the relentless onslaught of supernatural Scud missiles and preternatural Molotov cocktails directed acutely at his pericarditic heart!
Actually, it is only death-wish that would make any man agree to occupy a house reluctantly vacated by that highly “medicated” Owu man who propounded the immortal theory that Apartheid in South Africa could only be defeated by juju! Anybody who thinks that the protracted death of Yar’Adua was “ordinary” should have his head examined and his brain unscrambled. Not even the name “Goodluck” could save Jonathan from Aso Villa damnation as he lost his incumbency. His irrepressible wife, Patience, even gave testimony of waking up from death!Need we talk about the travails of President Muhammadu Buhari and First Lady Aisha in the change tenure?
That’s too recent for our history here, but it just suffices to stress that the haunted house ruined his gaskiya reputation forever. Now the haunted house has entered the season of RenewedHope that is unfolding as per one week in Nigeria and another week of “working leave” abroad.Hardship now sings the old-new National Anthem while hunger and poverty define the National Pledge.
Now I must perforce stop writing Nigeria’s version of satanic verses before I am sent to the worst haunted house of all named Kirikiri!
Uzoatu, poet and essayist, wrote this originally for his column, ‘Me and My Lagos’ in this is lagos online
