By Wole Olaoye ( Former President of University of Ife Students Union)
To clear the cobweb of misattribution, let it be known that this piece was not inspired by the 2003 South Korean film, “Song of the bandits”, a captivating South Korean action period drama set against the backdrop of the 1920s during the Japanese occupation of Joseon. Wikipedia describes that movie as “a tale where those who head to Gando, a land of lawlessness, unite as one to protect the homeland of the Koreans… a prelude to the Gando massacre.”
The following is totally different. It is the poetic rendition of a repentant bandit (Oh, that word— repentant— again!), who wonders why we keep beating about the bush while the bush-rat is running rings round us. The Oxford dictionary does not equivocate about the definition of the word, bandit: A criminal gangster, hooligan, marauder, mobster, outlaw, robber, brigand, desperado, hijacker, pillager, plunderer, villain.
Welcome!
𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎
I am proud to be a bandit, dreaded by all, threatened by nothing
I am your worst nightmare, the necro-trance you would rather not have
I used to be a far off, invisible demon, a gnome inhabiting the woods,
I used to be a violent ghost, here today, there tomorrow, with bloody trail,
But not anymore! Now, I’m your personal armageddon, your collective nemesis
if I don’t get you, I’ll catch your relative
Or, are they all wearing armoured vests?
There is honour among merchants of death, that is why I give Boko Haram its flowers;
Ansarul, ISWAP, Lakurawa— localised ‘territorialists’ redrawing the map of terror
Great precursors in this fascinating industry of violence:
Ensuring that the interests of ransom-paying captives are prioritised.
A hostage is more useful alive than dead. Remember, he’s also a plaything.
Have you ever seen the dread in the eyes of a hostage awaiting slaughter?
You don’t know the power in the nozzle of a gun, loaded or blank
Who wants to find out?
Everybody
On the floor!
Close your eyes!
I have news for you: We are all bandits— religious bandits, political bandits,
Material bandits, ethno-national bandits. Our locus may be different
But if I collect my tithes on the highway by kidnapping your traditional ruler
And Lakurawa collects its own through farmers paying protection tax
While the politician collects his through ‘oversights’,
What makes one tithe superior to the other?
While demonising the highway bandit?
Are some tariffs more equal than others?
How many trillions have you thrown at Boko Haram, Ansarul and Lakurawa?
How many more thrown at kidnappers, armed herdsmen, unknown gunmen?
You segment terror because it is an industry;
You feast on calling the same thing by different names.
And designing amnesty as if it was a Niger Delta-type conundrum;
Making a spectacle of ‘Repentant Terrorists’ in resplendent ‘aso ebi’,
As if they were extended relatives celebrating a festival.
𝐅𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐙𝐄𝐍
But wait and watch the video of the frustrated citizen who calls out the generals
For using their troops to corner fat budgets
Leading to erosion of morale; just what the terror apparatchiks need
To rout frontline posts and other formations
For, no army is as easy to pulverise as one lacking in collective self-esteem
As borne out by their lack of necessary provisions.
Oh, hear out the frustrated citizen, who dares to ask why, why?
“𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘐 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦”, 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴, 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘢. “𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘶𝘱𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘶𝘱𝘵 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘣𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘪𝘭𝘭-𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘺.
“𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦
𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘥? …
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥,
𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘭𝘭-𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥!”
… And the aggrieved citizen rants on and on.
𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐖 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄
If you’re not too arrogant to think that you can’t learn anything from a bandit
I’ll lend you some sense—
Terror is terror, be it an armed carjack, hijack, sea piracy, or highway abduction
Ransom is ransom, no matter how lowly or illustrious the hostage
Stripped of its religious veneer and fake spirituality
There is no difference between Boko and Ansarul and bandit and Lakurawa
We are all vendors of violence and death and minters of ransom.
You have a war on your hands
Forget your coinages
We are all agents of death, armed to the hilt
The only difference is that we bandits know we are waging a war
But you think this is just a social kind of fever, an insurgency
Curable with light arms and grammar
And conferences and summits!
Look at the trail of Boko Haram
Since 2009, the group’s terror has disoriented 15 million people,
Displaced over two million and killed over 30,000;
In the name of which God?
They stand excommunicated by respectable Muslims
who dissociate their faith from such butchery
So, don’t be fooled. We are all bandits!
Did you hear Mukhtar Ya’u Madobi?
“𝘉𝘰𝘬𝘰 𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘐𝘚𝘞𝘈𝘗 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘴,
𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘧𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴…
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘻𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 153 𝘛𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘤𝘦 𝘉𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦 𝘓𝘎𝘈 𝘰𝘯 𝘔𝘢𝘺 12, 2025,
𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥. 𝘐𝘯𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘦, 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘴,
𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘷𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥
𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵.”
Understand my position fellow countryman,
I make no claim to being a better person
All I’m telling you is that life tolerates no vacuum —
Too many ungoverned children, ungoverned adolescents
And ungoverned spaces
At the mercy of ungovernable outlaws
Taking advantage of under-governed polity!
Nobody negotiates with evil;
You confront and extirpate it!
Evil has no half measures; it envelopes and dominates
If left to fester, it metastasises—
like Boko Haram, one franchise becomes, four
And may yet beget more monsters
That will eat up your unborn future.
𝐀 𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆
There is no terror that lasts forever
Perhaps you’ll give yourselves a breather?
Project an alternative universe to those of us living outside the law!
Can you return the society to the days of old
When hard work was guaranteed to put bread on the table?
When we did not abandon almajiris to the elements?
When we were devoted to our faith but never grudged other people theirs?
We are not asking for too much,
Just a chance at the normalcy you take for granted
Minimum literacy and numeracy to help us cope with 2025 Nigeria
To return to the human family
Instead of living like cacodemons in your forests and bushes
Plotting the next set of abductions and bloodfest,
Living from ransom to ransom.
I am the ultimate repentant bandit
If you will heed my counsel and keep your part of the bargain
Then, hear this: Throw a combo at the monster:
Re-armed heavily compensated troops; Military contractors;
Civilian vigilantes; forest guards; mobile police; intelligence agencies;
Neighbourhood guards, traditional institutions…
In six months, you’ll sing a new song.
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