By Ekwuazi Hyginus
At long last, God granted me audience. Indeed, HE did. Just the two of us in the room.
GOD:
I hope this is not about your wife…. About both of you living in the same home but living in different time zones….
Me:
I’m used to that already. Our watches hardly ever synchronise. Mine is always ahead. She swears on her own. Meaning that the two of us never arrive at the same place at the same time. I’ve long gotten used to that.
GOD
Great…. This audience is not about that your crazy advocacy for a Christian earth and a Muslim heaven, is it?
Me:
No, it’s not. I guess the status quo suits you just fine.
GOD:
Sure does… Don’t tell me you’re here to continue asking me why I don’t consult you on how I run my universe – you’ve been complaining about that, haven’t you?
Me:
No; that’s not why I’m here. By the way, I didn’t know you heard my complaint …
GOD:
Of course, I heard you loud and clear. I’m all ears, you know. I’m not deaf – only ignoring you. Anyways, I’m a very busy guy – can we cut to the chase? Why did you ask for this audience?
Me:
I’ve been thinking seriously. Why do you have a general heaven and a general hell? Can’t you make a heaven and a hell that are peculiar to the individual?
GOD:
What do you mean?
Me:
Take me, for instance. I had a stormy childhood – like I lived between two opposing storm fronts. I went from accident to accident; from one mis-adventure to another. It was a miracle I survived childhood….
GOD:
Are you telling me!
Me:
The point I’m making is this: when that time comes, I should be sent back to earth – not to heaven or hell. I should be sent back to earth: to play fields, beaches and busy highways; to all the dangerous places where there are children to be ferried to safety…. When that time comes, that’s how I should spend my eternity: saving children from accidents – what do you think?
There was no response.
The strident voice of the muezzin calling the faithful to morning prayer floated like a crack of light to a closed door.
It was dawn. And I was alone.
And gradually it dawned on me that in the past seventeen centuries or so no one who has seen God and exchanged words with HIM managed not to run stark raving mad.
So, all day long, I have been furtively watching all those around me to see if they are watching me for any signs of madness.
Ekwuazi is a Professor of Broadcasting and Film at the University of Ibadan
