By EMMA AYINDE (not real names)
*This is a true life story. You just might learn one or two things from it. Happy reading.
I was the first child of my parents’ three children. I grew up to know my parents as two lovebirds. Despite my mother being the breadwinner of the house who paid almost all the bills, she never for once disrespected my father. My father on the other hand was more caring and passionate about us children. If one of us fell sick, you would see in him a very emotional man who would be conspicuously disturbed. If one of us coughed at midnight once, my father was already awake checking up on the child. Despite our mother being the one paying the bills, we all loved our father more.
When I was in SS2, my father secured a very lucrative job. He became a rich man. If my father was close to perfect when he was poor, he became a perfect father as a rich man. We children loved him more and we couldn’t trade him for anything.
However, this changed in my first year in the University when my father married second wife. “So my father was a pretender,” I thought. Men are every name women tag them. How would my father marry second wife just because he became rich? Truly, you would only know the true character of a man when he gets money. All the love I had for my father turned to hatred. This hatred blinded me so badly that I couldn’t even notice my father remained that lovely father he was before marrying second wife. Not when my mother kept reminding us children how she single-handedly carried the financial burden of the family when my father was a broke man, an event I also witnessed by myself.
After I graduated, I secured a very lucrative job. I intended to give my first salary to my parents. My salary was actually N600k but I kept N100k for my upkeep till my next salary. I traveled down to our hometown to see my parents. I met my mother first in her room to give her N400k and I headed to the living room to give my father N100k. As I handed the money to my father, he didn’t count it before asking if I had given my mother money. I lied that I didn’t. I told him I thought he would give her out of it. He said, “Never do that again. You are everything you become today because of your mother’s sacrifice. Besides, the Pious Prophet SAW said love your mother, love your mother, love your mother and love your father. That means you should love your mother twice as much as you love your father. Even when you have limited resources and you want to give us money, give your mother alone and I will be happy with you.”
As the man was talking, I felt a sense of guilt. But if he loved our mother this much, why did he marry another wife? I saw a man who deserved love from us due to his lifetime sacrifice but we hated him due to unnecessarily vendetta. Why should we hate our father on our mother’s behalf just because he married a second wife when he remained that responsible and caring father? I looked back over the years and I couldn’t remember a single time my father treated my mother badly. His only sin was that he married a second wife. We inherited hatred from our mother for a reason that didn’t stop our father being a good father.
I broke into tears and prostrated to my father. I sought his forgiveness because I knew we didn’t show him the love he truly deserved. He smiled and said, “You are my son. For no reason will I be mad at you. If I said I didn’t notice over the years your hatred towards me, I would be lying. However, I kept hoping one day, you would see me for the type of father I truly am.”
PS
Dear Children,
Stop inheriting your mother’s hatred towards your father because he marries a second wife. Eight in 10 cases, the problem of polygamous houses is not the second wife and her children. They are mostly the first wife and her recruited children who are bitter because of what Allah has made halal
